Front Page: changes to wording

[Matterplay1]

As part of our ongoing project to renew and review the site, we’re looking at a revision of our front page. Our graphic artists are working on the visual side of the presentation, but I’m also reviewing the words. One aspect of that is what we promise. Presently the text runs like this:

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Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future where civilization spans the stars. Godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. Out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the vast universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

• hard science
  
• plausible technologies
  
• realistic cultural development
  
• a vast setting
  
• 10,000+ years of historical development
  
• realistic exobiology

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For comparison, this was our equivalent page a few years back:
https://web.archive.org/web/200406041706.../main.html

Based on this discussion:
http://www.orionsarm.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=145
I propose to replace the points about 'hard' science fiction and 'plausible' technology with a single line that says ‘radical hard science fiction’, and has a link to a separate page that explains what is meant by it. I'll propose wording for that in a separate thread. More generally though, what are some thoughts on a revision of the rest?

[Rynn]

"Radical hard SF" makes me think of "diamond hard", as in science fiction that only uses technology that we absolutely know to be possible and allows no speculative elements. OA doesn't fall into that. I think the current two points are fine.

[Dalex]

Current wording seems right. Radical hard SF sounds a little wierd. The fact that it needs explanation is not a good sign. The text on main page should be clear to anyone on the first sight.

[Matterplay1]

Another option is to make the first line 'hard science fiction', with a link that explains what is meant (see the link to our discussion on that if you were not present then or have forgotten). The problem with 'hard science' is that it is a soft term.

Any thoughts on the rest of the text?

[Drashner1]

Various thoughts on this, but at work right now. Will post tonight.

[Drashner1]

So, I agree that simply combining the bullet points to say 'radical hard sf' isn't really the best option. For one thing if we are moving to calling OA a 'radical hard SF setting', including words to that effect in the description itself sounds somewhat redundant. There are also some other wording tweaks that could stand to be made while we're at it. Please see below for a suggested modified version, changes in bold:

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Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars. Godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. Out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the radical hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

• reality inspired science
  
• plausible technologies
  
• realistic cultural development
  
• a universe spanning setting
  
• 10,000+ years of historical development
  
• realistic exobiology

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In this case 'radical hard science fiction' would be a link to an article explaining what we mean by that. Alternatively, we could say 'hard science fiction' and again make it a link.

If we wanted to get especially fancy, we could make each of the bullet points a link to an article expanding upon them. Possible custom made for the purpose, or maybe a page taken from the existing OA Primer.

Finally, we used to use the term 'Hard science fiction of galactic scope' to describe OA (I honestly don't remember where atm). We could change this to 'Radical hard science fiction of galactic scope' and see about opportunities to use it here and there to continue pressing the point.

Finally, finally, I would point out that the folks who are most likely to have a problem with our current terminology are unlikely to be mollified by this modification or any other modification we could do that didn't involve making the entire project vanish. Just something we should consider as we look at doing this. Not an argument against doing it, just something to consider.

Thoughts?

Todd

[stevebowers]

Reality inspired science
should probably be
Reality-inspired science

[Matterplay1]

Of the options on the table so far for alternatives to 'hard science' I prefer just saying 'hard science fiction' in the introductory wording with a link to another page that explains what kind of 'hard' science fiction we are creating. On reflection, any and all terms or turns of phrase that are unfamiliar at first sight might be offputting, and our goal here is to entice the casual reader into looking further into the project.

Other things that we might put into the points after the main text? Whichever items they are, I do plan to create links to short explanatory bits. I'm thinking we want items that are descriptive in a 'best foot forward' kind of way.

[Matterplay1]

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Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars. Godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. Out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the radical hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

• reality inspired science
  
• plausible technologies
  
• realistic cultural development
  
• a universe spanning setting
  
• 10,000+ years of historical development
  
• realistic exobiology

----------------------------------------------------------------------

In this case 'radical hard science fiction' would be a link to an article explaining what we mean by that. Alternatively, we could say 'hard science fiction' and again make it a link.

If we wanted to get especially fancy, we could make each of the bullet points a link to an article expanding upon them. Possible custom made for the purpose, or maybe a page taken from the existing OA Primer.

Finally, we used to use the term 'Hard science fiction of galactic scope' to describe OA (I honestly don't remember where atm). We could change this to 'Radical hard science fiction of galactic scope' and see about opportunities to use it here and there to continue pressing the point.

Finally, finally, I would point out that the folks who are most likely to have a problem with our current terminology are unlikely to be mollified by this modification or any other modification we could do that didn't involve making the entire project vanish. Just something we should consider as we look at doing this. Not an argument against doing it, just something to consider.

Thanks for this. I think it's a good suggestion to put the link to 'hard sf' in the general text rather than in the bulleted items. My folow-on thought is that with a link from the words to the 'hard science fiction' we won't be needing what was the first bullet. So, how about this? (By the way, I already edited out an unnecessary 'and' that was at the original when I did a first light edit of our existing front page.)

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Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars and humanity's descendants and creations have begun to colonize the galaxy. In the Orion's arm setting, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest, and out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

• plausible technologies
  
• realistic cultural development
  
• a galaxy-spanning setting
  
• 10,000+ years of historical development
  
• realistic exobiology

----------------------------------------------------------------------

In addition to a link that explains what we mean by hard science, and which particular kind we're aiming for, I'll aim to give everything that merits a bullet at least a brief explanation through a link, for those who are interested.

I like your idea of making our slogan 'radical hard science fiction of galactic scope', and I agree though that we shouldn't try to get those who stumble across our front page to drink from that particular firehose all at once. I'm thinking of people who go to our front page and think 'hmm, hey, what is all this?'. Also as you say, there's no aim here to mollify the very few and very odd people out there on the net who, for whatever reason, are offended that the OA project even exists. :-) All of this tweaking is work on our welcome mat and foyer for those who haven't yet met us.

[Drashner1]

Thanks for this. I think it's a good suggestion to put the link to 'hard sf' in the general text rather than in the bulleted items. My folow-on thought is that with a link from the words to the 'hard science fiction' we won't be needing what was the first bullet. So, how about this? (By the way, I already edited out an unnecessary 'and' that was at the original when I did a first light edit of our existing front page.)

I've a bit of mixed feeling about the removal of the science bullet (trying to get our science right plays a big role in the project), although if we make a point of emphasizing the science aspect of the setting in the linked writeup, that concern may go away.

As far as the wording below - putting on my wordsmith hat, I'd like to offer some suggestions for adjustments...below, please see some comments and then a proposed revised version.

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Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars and humanity's descendants and creations have begun to colonize the galaxy.

I understand the feeling that this sentence needs a bit more - I was actually toying with adding back the line from the earlier version of the website about humanities descendents branching in myriad directions. However, I couldn't quite get it to 'flow' right and this has a similar issue. It doesn't really have the right smooth 'feel' IMHO. Perhaps we can come up with something that will both fill the gap and 'roll off the tongue'.

Re the mention of 'beginning to colonize the galaxy': Given that the Terragen colonization effort has been going on for nearly 10,000yrs and spans a significant chunk of the galaxy, I think saying that its just beginning sounds a bit odd and doesn't really fit the 'reality' we present in the setting.


In the Orion's arm setting, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest, and out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Given that we already name the setting in the first sentence, it feels redundant to name it a second time right here. It also sort of jarred me a little in that it moved from a sort of 'Coming soon to a theater near you!' mode to more of a 'Let us dryly explain to you what you will find in this place if you come in' mode. One is like a movie poster, the other is like a prospectus for real estate or something. At least to me I actually think the original wording for this bit probably is fine as is, as it gets the point across pretty effectively.

Oh, and the second sentence is really rather long...



Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

• plausible technologies
  
• realistic cultural development
  
• a galaxy-spanning setting
  
• 10,000+ years of historical development
  
• realistic exobiology

----------------------------------------------------------------------

This isn't anything to do with this latest version but rather something I noticed when putting together my initial revision proposal. We use 'reality', and 'realistic' multiple times in a short list of points. Does this feel a bit like overkill or us trying to hard to 'make the sale'? Or perhaps it just feels repetitive? Perhaps try to play with this aspect of things a bit.

With all that in mind, here's another proposed version:
____________________________________________________________

Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars. Mindkind has spread across the galaxy, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. And out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

plausible technology
complex and developed cultures
a galaxy-spanning setting
10,000+ years of historical development
realistic exobiology

Whatcha think?

Todd