Front Page: changes to wording

[Matterplay1]

With all that in mind, here's another proposed version:
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Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars. Mindkind has spread across the galaxy, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. And out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

plausible technology
complex and developed cultures
a galaxy-spanning setting
10,000+ years of historical development
realistic exobiology

I think we've pretty well nailed it with this version. You're quite right, we need a bit more carnival-barker and a bit less precis/prospectus. Alan was good at that kind of thing, and it's a great way of getting people into the tent to see the marvels and wonders. :-) I still don't like that 'and' at the beginning of the second-last sentence, but perhaps I'm being old-fashioned.

Anybody else? What are we missing or what should we drop, if anything?

[Drashner1]

I think we've pretty well nailed it with this version. You're quite right, we need a bit more carnival-barker and a bit less precis/prospectus. Alan was good at that kind of thing, and it's a great way of getting people into the tent to see the marvels and wonders. :-) I still don't like that 'and' at the beginning of the second-last sentence, but perhaps I'm being old-fashioned.

Anybody else? What are we missing or what should we drop, if anything?

I'm also not thrilled by the 'and' at the start of the sentence either (it makes my inner English Major twitch). After reading your post here and thinking about it a bit, the following possible tweak (in bold) came to mind.

Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars. Mindkind has spread across the galaxy, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. While out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

plausible technology
complex and developed cultures
a galaxy-spanning setting
10,000+ years of historical development
realistic exobiology

Tell me what you think.

Todd

[FrodoGoofball]

I think we've pretty well nailed it with this version. You're quite right, we need a bit more carnival-barker and a bit less precis/prospectus. Alan was good at that kind of thing, and it's a great way of getting people into the tent to see the marvels and wonders. :-) I still don't like that 'and' at the beginning of the second-last sentence, but perhaps I'm being old-fashioned.

Anybody else? What are we missing or what should we drop, if anything?

I'm also not thrilled by the 'and' at the start of the sentence either (it makes my inner English Major twitch). After reading your post here and thinking about it a bit, the following possible tweak (in bold) came to mind.

Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars. Mindkind has spread across the galaxy, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. While out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

plausible technology
complex and developed cultures
a galaxy-spanning setting
10,000+ years of historical development
realistic exobiology

Tell me what you think.

Todd

I like it, but it still seems a bit off. Ben looking at this thread for a while and thinking about the "hard SF" controversy, and it suddenly occurred to me: I don't think we need to say "hard science fiction" at all when we say "plausible technology" and "realistic exobiology", which is kind of defines "hard SF":

Welcome to Orion's Arm!

Thousands of years in the future, civilization spans the stars, mindkind has spread across the galaxy, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. Beyond human-friendly worlds and the edge of civilized space, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all. Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort.

Within the universe of fiction that is Orion's Arm you will find:
plausible technology
complex and developed cultures
a galaxy-spanning setting
10,000+ years of historical development
realistic exobiology

Is this any good, or is it not what we are looking for?

[Drashner1]

I like it, but it still seems a bit off. Ben looking at this thread for a while and thinking about the "hard SF" controversy, and it suddenly occurred to me: I don't think we need to say "hard science fiction" at all when we say "plausible technology" and "realistic exobiology", which is kind of defines "hard SF":

An interesting point - Historically, we have always made a point of emphasizing the hard science aspect of the setting. The addition of the link defining what we mean by that would be a further emphasis of that point. Perhaps we should consider toning down the explicit statements about being hard SF instead? Although, given that it's sort of a selling point, we certainly wouldn't want to do away with pointing it out entirely. If we were to add links to the bullet points leading to definition text that might more strongly emphasize the 'OA version' of hard science while also being a bit more subtle. Something to think about certainly.

I'm still thinking there's an argument to be made for explaining what we mean by hard science fiction, but it's a point worth discussing, certainly.

As far as the proposed text below...There are some points here that need tweaking. The first sentence is quite long and there are a few other bits. Please see the proposed modified versions below:

Welcome to Orion's Arm!

Thousands of years in the future, civilization spans the stars. Mindkind has spread across the galaxy, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. While beyond the human-friendly worlds and civilized space, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Within the universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

plausible technology
complex and developed cultures
a galaxy-spanning setting
10,000+ years of historical development
realistic exobiology

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort!


OR

Welcome to Orion's Arm!

It is thousands of years in the future and civilization spans the stars. Mindkind has spread across the galaxy, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. While beyond the human-friendly worlds and civilized spaces, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all!

Within the universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

plausible technology
complex and developed cultures
a galaxy-spanning setting
10,000+ years of historical development
realistic exobiology

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort!


Todd

[Matterplay1]

I still don't like that 'and' at the beginning of the second-last sentence, but perhaps I'm being old-fashioned.

I'm also not thrilled by the 'and' at the start of the sentence either (it makes my inner English Major twitch). After reading your post here and thinking about it a bit, the following possible tweak (in bold) came to mind.

Welcome to Orion's Arm, a scenario set thousands of years in the future when civilization spans the stars. Mindkind has spread across the galaxy, godlike ascended intelligences rule vast interstellar empires, and lesser factions seek to carve out their own dominions through intrigue and conquest. While out beyond the edge of civilized space and the human-friendly worlds, adventure awaits those prepared to risk all.

Come join us in this ever-expanding collective worldbuilding effort. Within the hard science fiction universe that is Orion's Arm you will find:

plausible technology
complex and developed cultures
a galaxy-spanning setting
10,000+ years of historical development
realistic exobiology

I've thought about it a bit and I still think this one is closest to the mark. Hard science fiction (a particular subtype) is a big part of what we're all about, and a major 'selling' point. We needn't be shy about that. The statements about our approaches to technology and exobiology are indicators, but not the real thing. People looking into the project should know which kind of fun we're offering right up front. A link, for the interested, gives the details of which particular kind of 'hard sf' the OA project offers, and an indication that we know full well that other varieties of science fiction can be just as entertaining. Seems to me that about takes care of it; the rest happens when people stop reading what's on the cover and start opening the book.